My first blog (random feelings)

So i'm pretty sure no one is reading this but, i really need to write or saw what im feeling. My life is no where, my family is poor dont get me wrong we have a home and a t.v and a computer obviousley, but we sometime dont have food my dad is unemployed so is my mom. i dont study or work, i sleep most of the time and i feel useless, i see no point in life anymore, i know what your thinking dumb girl she's exagerating, but im not. i has studying to be a chef but my parents no longer pay, i'm mental unstable maybe bipolar, told my mother to take me to the shrink, but instead she laughed at me. I feel we hate each other my mother and i but it doesnt matter to her, she told me today that she regretted giving birth to me. i know im not the perfect daughter. i was supose to leave to brazil by the end of the month but my brother has no money to send me, its fine i understand that. but thats the only thing i was looking forward to. im dying here slowly and half of me wants to survive but the other doesnt care if i die or not, im screaming inside asking for help, begging for help for someone to reach out theyre hand and rescue me from this pit. i long for the moment. i want to feel i have something to live for but i live in fantasy in my head alone. i have a friend Abi, she helps me sometimes, she lives in my head. i want to go to tibet with the monks, the peace they have i wish i had that, but instead i have this. thats all i have to say tonight.